Once upon a time, I had a friend named Zach. We met in 7th grade and
became close in 8th. We were good friends throughout most of high
school, that is, until about the middle of our senior year. He
suddenly, and sort of randomly, became very conceited and arrogant.
He bragged about everything. What's worse is he started lying to me
about a lot of things, and to my face. He really hurt me a lot, and
gradually came to be generally unpleasant to be around. So much so
that by our freshman year in college, I told him I didn't want to be
friends or have him in my life any longer.
Since then I've only spoken to him twice. Once at the train station, he
couldn't get out of his car, and I happened to be randomly walking by
with some friends. He asked for help, and I helped. And another time
in a coffee shop. I was again meeting with some friends and he was
there. He asked about my life and I asked about his. It was a
pleasant enough exchange, but that was it.
For a long time, I was really hurt, and bitter, and angry towards him.
But over time, I eventually learned to moved passed it, and let it
go. I've forgiven him in my own heart. And I rarely think about him
any longer, and when I do, the pain isn't there any longer. I
have no ill-wishes towards him. However, just because I've
forgiven him, doesn't mean that I'll be able to let him back into my
life again. After all, he still hasn't ever apologized, or even
acknowledged that he's ever hurt me severely. And I have no evidence
that he wouldn't do it again.
But forgiveness isn't necessarily a matter of saying "what you did
is okay," or "we can be friends again." Forgiveness is
a matter of choosing to give someone grace, and of recognizing that
Zach, just like me, is human, and capable of making mistakes, just
like I am, and remembering that he is a child of God, too. And
treating him as such. It means that when I see him in person, I will
treat him like a human; with respect. I will help him get out of his
car, and I will give him my attention while in a coffee shop. I will
still treat like a human, like a child of God, in the same way that I
am a child of God. Forgiveness is about choosing to treat someone
like he or she is a child of God.
You belong here,
Ben J
became close in 8th. We were good friends throughout most of high
school, that is, until about the middle of our senior year. He
suddenly, and sort of randomly, became very conceited and arrogant.
He bragged about everything. What's worse is he started lying to me
about a lot of things, and to my face. He really hurt me a lot, and
gradually came to be generally unpleasant to be around. So much so
that by our freshman year in college, I told him I didn't want to be
friends or have him in my life any longer.
Since then I've only spoken to him twice. Once at the train station, he
couldn't get out of his car, and I happened to be randomly walking by
with some friends. He asked for help, and I helped. And another time
in a coffee shop. I was again meeting with some friends and he was
there. He asked about my life and I asked about his. It was a
pleasant enough exchange, but that was it.
For a long time, I was really hurt, and bitter, and angry towards him.
But over time, I eventually learned to moved passed it, and let it
go. I've forgiven him in my own heart. And I rarely think about him
any longer, and when I do, the pain isn't there any longer. I
have no ill-wishes towards him. However, just because I've
forgiven him, doesn't mean that I'll be able to let him back into my
life again. After all, he still hasn't ever apologized, or even
acknowledged that he's ever hurt me severely. And I have no evidence
that he wouldn't do it again.
But forgiveness isn't necessarily a matter of saying "what you did
is okay," or "we can be friends again." Forgiveness is
a matter of choosing to give someone grace, and of recognizing that
Zach, just like me, is human, and capable of making mistakes, just
like I am, and remembering that he is a child of God, too. And
treating him as such. It means that when I see him in person, I will
treat him like a human; with respect. I will help him get out of his
car, and I will give him my attention while in a coffee shop. I will
still treat like a human, like a child of God, in the same way that I
am a child of God. Forgiveness is about choosing to treat someone
like he or she is a child of God.
You belong here,
Ben J